So Packed Up!

Renting is such an ordeal these days!

Waiting outside an open to view for the real estate agent who arrives and describes their hectic schedule of driving, opening a door and asking people for their names 10 times that day (getting paid Saturday rates) and then feigning empathy like their life is so hard just so they will like you is bloody exhausting!

Then there is your competitors; eyeing them off and analysis firstly of their clothing (is gym gear appropriate to wear when making a good first impression?) I guess it does make you look active and like you look after yourself and therefore you will probably look after the house, but I know sporty people who are dirty…… Then breaking down their situation to see where you rank against them for getting the property like ‘Oh you’re here with your Mum’ Good, I out rank a first time renter for sure. ‘Oh those people have a flash car’ – Could be on HP but even then they must have good jobs?

Only to get into the house and find the kitchen and living area are the size of a small outdoor shed and the photo’s had really been flattering on the internet. Also photo’s have no way of indicating that the house smells like a cattery was the previous tenant and they must of had at least 100 cats in residence.

Then repeat!

I really loved one house in particular and realized there was a strong part of me willing to sabotage the other potential tenants by implying I saw them smoking in their car or even going as far as saying “I heard them discussing how great the house was for the large dog that they were not going to tell you about”.

I didn’t sabotage anybody but it dawned on me that like life, renting was dog eat dog especially after a lady wearing business attire (on a Saturday) barged past me in the queue to get inside the house nearly knocking me into the garden then to hold the line up by standing talking to the real estate agent about her situation (Single, good job, loves the neighborhood and never has parties) She then made small talk about the agents weekend plans while disgruntled competitors anxiety and anger had to be kept in check so that it didn’t impact our chances of getting the house.

The same lady then asked other people how long they had been looking and if they planned to apply for this place with a secret venom behind her words like a snake who could be your friend but is lying beside you in bed just to measure whether you as a whole person would fit inside their body because the snake actually plans to consume you (I actually saw this on Bondi Vet, the snake hadn’t been eating for days and was lying beside the owner all the time, she thought it was unwell but in fact it was starving itself and measuring it’s meal.)

So this process not only makes you assess your social etiquette it also makes you take a long hard look at yourself in your mirror collection and wonder whether they can all come to the new place.

Hoarders is a TV show that I watch and think ‘oh no those poor people with such a strange problem’, only to move house and realise I am no different to those people and perhaps I too have a serious mental health condition when I am unable to part with any of my candle jars, even though they are empty, I have 10 more like them and this one does have a chipped lid, but they are good for putting things in, even if they have been empty for over a year, it could be full of something and I may need it……..

The actual day of the moves sneaks up on you. Somehow it comes as a complete surprise that you even planned to move and spent so long organizing this new place that you move into tomorrow.

Back pain, wall damage, lost and found items and that’s just moving your stuff out of the old place.

The first night in a new place feels like an adventure and it seems great to get takeaway’s and eat with paint brushes as chopsticks because you don’t know which box you chucked the kitchen draw stuff in. As you finish your meal you realize you want to go to sleep and you should really put together your bed and find your bedding but you should also clean the skirting boards to start fresh. Should being the operative word.

Next time I move I will <INSERT GOOD INTENTIONS> but I’m sure this process will be exactly the same

.rent house